The prince of Darkness ate my cell phone

So, it's been over a year now since I've had a cell phone. Many of you have heard the story of the demise of my last phone, but here it is again.

It was late June I believe. Tygre, Keith Haddock and I went to Ozzfest at the Shoreline Amphitheater to see Iron Maiden and Black Sabbath (fuck yeah)!

Mike Rudd, an old bass player from Crumpled Napkin had somehow secured us VIP tickets. So, we had a private bar with catered food and scantily clad rocker chicks giving people temporary tattoos (I got one of a Scorpion on my neck I think). Anyway, we whiled away the hours of "Nu Metal" opening bands between the private bar and running out to mix drinks in the VIP parking lot, (with the exception of Rob Zombie where I was sandwiched between shirtless, sweaty frat boys trying to mosh and Tygre and Keith making out literally on top of me while simultaneously bobbing my head deftly from side to side to avoid having my eyeballs burned out of my head by Tygre's smothering clove cigarette. I retreated back to the sanctuary of the private bar).

Finally it was time to go to our VIP box seat section (with waitress service) to watch the main event. At this point the extremely generous guy who we had secured the VIP tickets from said drunkenly those magical little words: "hey guys, order what ever you want...it's on me!"

Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath and an unlimited open tab...I almost wept.

So, as you can probably guess, I instantly ordered two large beers and a double shot of Jameson...I repeated this order again 10 minutes later...it was all downhill from there.

By the time Maiden was encoring with "Number of the Beast" I was proposing marriage to Keith's shoe. I wasn't sure which planet I was on when Black Sabbath took the stage, but after they rocked "Fairies Wear Boots" I knew I needed to order two more beers and a whiskey.

Anyway, as Ozzy raised his arms and encouraged the crowd to sing along with "Paranoid" I pulled out my cellular phone to digitally capture the moment. The phone had a big button with a picture of a camera on it. I knew intuitively that I merely had to press this candy like button and the Ozzy would be forever immortalized. Unfortunately in the state I was in, basic motor function was virtually impossible.

I quickly grew frustrated with my phone. Clearly it was unwilling to cooperate. The button kept moving around. Finally, fed up and disgusted that my phone was not as big of a Sabbath fan as I was, I chucked it into the crowd where is disappeared in a head-banging sea of mullets...never to be seen again.

I puked all over myself in the back of Mike's truck on the way home, but that has little to do with my phone.

So, the point of this story is: I finally got a new phone! It's one of those pay by the minute things from Virgin Mobile. It's super cheap and doesn't have a camera function...which is probably for best.

p.s. Sabbath Rules!